“45 pounds ago!”

Okay guys. It’s gonna get real. Today is not about makeup products. Today is about me and my body.

I’ve been struggling with my weight gain. I’ve been struggling with my health. My job has been hard and life in general has been kicking my TRASH. I don’t want to complain, but as a human being, I do. I keep seeing all these beautiful people living “perfect” lives and I’m jealous. I’ll be honest, I am GREEN with envy. I look at the Gram to see clear skin, thigh gaps and Teslas and then back at my rolls as I’m sitting in the dark, eating Pizza Rolls.

That’s not good for anyone. I’ll tell you that now. Wallowing in my self pity, complaining about my current situation, while not doing anything about it..? That sounds like my own problem right? Right.

The worst part, is I have a bad habit of flipping through old pictures of myself. Seeing what I used to be. Thinking about the part of life I was in. I use humor to deflect the insecurities. I like to use the words “45 lbs ago…” in a lot of my jokes. Because I’ve gained 45 lbs. 45lbs in two years. It doesn’t sound like a lot but to me it feels like night and day! Stretch marks, fatigue… I already have a round face and now it’s even better hahah!!

But in those two years I’ve gotten married, stopped playing soccer, work 50 hours a week… a complete lifestyle change. I don’t want to make excuses but it’s different.

I’m getting to the point, I promise.

The past is the past. It’s already happened and there’s nothing I can do about it. Life has changed and so have I. For better or for worse, I don’t know. Maybe a little of both. I learned, I’ve loved and I’ve lost. I’ve had ups and I’ve had downs. Instead of looking at what I used to be, I can look at who I am and who I could be. I can light a fire to start a new change. Looking forward instead of looking back. Learning and bettering myself instead of wallowing in my own pain and sorrow.

I have a choice. I have opportunity. I have a new week and a new day to begin. I’ve said this many times but the cool thing is, I’m giving myself a second chance. A second chance to take advantage of the opportunities God has given me. I’m talented, I’m young and I’m beautiful. I am strong, I have so much potential and I’m ready.

45 pounds ago, I was struggling even still. The weight isn’t the problem. It’s my mindset. It’s my happiness and it’s what I do about it. Am I still going to work on losing weight? Uh yeah. I’m down 6 lbs. But I’m going to do it differently. I’m going to do it to feel better instead of worrying about what I look like. I’m going to do it because I want to, not because anyone else is telling me to.

Each step, even if it’s a baby step, matters. Instead of looking at my thighs in the mirror and saying I’m fat, I’ll just recognize “damn, I’m THICC.” Hahaha. Learning to love myself, whatever shape I am. The results aren’t immediate. It takes work and effort. Sometimes I will put in a face mask, take it off and get pissed that I still have acne. But guess what?! That’s NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Change takes time and patience.

Tomorrow is a new day. I start a new job, with a new mindset and a whole new opportunity. And I’m going to KILL IT.

That is all. Thanks babes.

xoxo Ki


My Top 6 Makeup Products

Alright fam, as you probably noticed, I’ve decided to take a more creative direction with my life and I’ve been posting more and more about my different make up looks. I don’t wanna talk about how long my first YouTube video was… Sorry about that. The next one will be 100x better and a lot shorter! But super thanks to everyone who watched and endured that. It’s been a long time since I’ve found something that I like this much and it lets me express myself completely! So thank you for the support!

I get a lot of questions about the products that I use every day. I definitely have my staple items. So here is a list of my top 10 products and why I like them!

Also, my holiday video will be up on Thursday! So stay tuned!!

  1. FOUNDATION: Estee Lauder Double Wear – This foundation is so great. It pretty full coverage, yet it blends beautifully. You don’t look cakey when you wear it! It’s $42, so definitely not drugstore pricing but it’s so worth it. It also lasts quite a while as well, so overall, it’s a great buy. I get it at Ulta! I also think it works best when applied with a damp beauty blender instead of a brush.
  2. CONCEALER: Tarte Shape Tape – Okay, we all know how amazing this is. And if you don’t, go find out! This is a thick and full coverage and fabulous. This concealer is at Ulta for $27 dollars. My one complaint: this concealer is pretty drying. I have sensitive skin and sometimes, it doesn’t treat me too well. But I still love love love this concealer.
  3. PRIMER: NYX Pore Filler – I have huge pores lol. When I first started experimenting with makeup, primer confused the heck out of me. I tried the Benefit Porefessional primer and wasn’t impressed. I tried color correcting primer and that didn’t work. But the Pore Filler by NYX came to the rescue. Best part about it? It’s now at Walmart as well as Ulta. I buy the mini for two reasons: it’s cheaper and it lasts forever. The big one is only $13.99, so basically I spend close to nothing for primer buying the mini. The formula is light and beautiful. 11/10 recommend.
  4. Mascara: Maybelline Colossal Big Shot – I have used this mascara for the last 3 years. It’s the best drugstore mascara I’ve used. It gives me a TON of volume and doesn’t clump my lashes. The brush is my favorite shape/style and I wear the color “Blackest Black”. I don’t use the waterproof though because that crap doesn’t come off. So you just have to remember to cry after you are home and have taken your makeup off!!
  5. Lipstick: NYX Liquid Suede – I own at least 12 of these. These colors are pretty, vibrant and matte to the max. It doesn’t dry out my lips, which is HUGE. My one complaint: it doesn’t last 24 hours. Once again, this is in Walmart and Ulta! I love me some drug store pricing. These lipsticks are only $6.99. What a beautiful thing. I haven’t been able to find a long lasting lipstick that doesn’t dry out my lips. So if you have suggestions, please send them my way. But until then, I will be hanging out with my #1 over here. NYX!
  6. Last, but not least: Contour: NYX Powder Contour Palette. I occasionally use a crème contour, but I love powder contour. This palette has a few shades, include some lighter colors you can use for highlighting (I haven’t tried those). This palette is $24.99 at Ulta! I only use two colors out of it, so it lasted me about 6 months.

I really hope this helped at least a little bit! I would love to hear your thoughts down below in the comments! Love you all!


I Looked in the Mirror

Today I looked in the mirror.  I didn’t like what I saw.

My face is getting rounder. Um, where is my jaw?

I put up my arms to flex, but instead my biceps fall.

What happened to me? I don’t like it at all.

The face in the mirror, stares back at me.

I struggle with my thoughts, when will I be free?

The hate, sadness, the sorrow.

I want to see change when I wake up tomorrow.

I want a new me, a skinny me, a clear skin me.

I want to look and like what I see.


Today I looked in the mirror, I looked and I saw a change.

Not in my appearance, but a change in my day.

Yes, my face is a little round, my jaw not so defined.

But on second thought, I really don’t mind.

I kind of like my smile, my eyebrows look great.

I may not be super skinny, but I have a great shape.

My skin could use some love, but I love it anyway.

I’m not perfect, I’m not even close.

Sometimes I have bad days, I feel gross.

Okay. I’m done rhyming. Here’s the point. I struggle with the way I look. I struggle with the way I feel. Looking in the mirror is occasionally hard. My body has changed so much in just two years. Can I improve? Can I make some changes? Hell yeah I can! But it starts with my mind. I’m working on a better me but I’m also working on loving myself the way I am.

This is short, I know. But this is where my thoughts took me tonight.

I haven’t written anything in awhile. But that’s because I’m working on new things. I’m finally figuring out a direction I want life to take me. I can’t wait to share with you guys. Also, thank you for supporting me and loving me for who I am. I really appreciate all of you. Love you all.



Friendship: A Weird Concept

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything!! I am sooo ready to write but life has been crazy. I seem to get my ideas while I’m laying sick in bed.

I turned 21 this week. That was weird. Birthdays are a funny thing. I received a lot of super sweet texts, Facebook messages, posts, etc. I have a lot of great people in my life and I’m so so blessed.

But I couldn’t help but think. Friendship is weird. And friendship changes as we grow and change.

What makes someone a friend? What is a great friendship? Does anyone really know? Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been asking myself these questions.

One of my biggest pet peeves, is the fact that people think friendships end after you get married. Here’s the deal. That’s wrong. Of course things change. I am devoted to my husband and he comes first 100% of the time. But I have a strong belief that friendships need to be upheld, respected, and nourished.

When I was in high school, I thought I needed to be accepted and loved by everyone. I thought having the most friends made you the best. How wrong was I? Oh so wrong. Trying to keep up with that many people brings such an empty feeling. Especially when you don’t get that love in return.

There are people from high school that I don’t have the luxury of seeing every single day, but they hold such a sweet place in my heart. I adore sweet texts, messages, comments, calls. But we grow up. Lives change and paths cross less and less. But those people were all so important in my life. They all played vital roles in my growth and success in that point in my life. Some have made it through those changes and I still see often. I’m actually so grateful for social media so I can see their lives and the fun things that are happening.

Other people have appeared later in life, whether it’s work or college. Will they be around next year? In 5 years? I hope so. But you never know. I’ve been in toxic friendships, I’ve been in some really great friendships. Striving to be with those who push you to be a better you and accept you for who you are… GUYS. This is so important.

A lot of people don’t realize how much work it is to keep a friend. It’s actually pretty exhausting. So how do you keep a friend? From my experience, there’s a few things:

1. Honesty. No one likes a two faced friend. Being honest, breaking down walls, and being real keeps things smooth and open.

2. Showing you care. People show love in different ways. Whether it’s sending a text, calling them up, providing help whether it’s financially, physically, mentally, dropping by with a fav treat, supporting their hobbies and dreams, etc.

3. Being consistent. This is so important. Being consistent means being a friend all the time. Not just when it’s convenient.

4. Let them know they are welcome. If you’re anything like me, going out is hard sometimes, but it makes my heart happy knowing I’m always invited.

Our human relationships are so interesting, exhausting and rewarding. Just like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it. And I so believe that.

This is kind of a weird and random rant but thinking about the friends in your life is important. Filter out the toxic people and surround yourself with those people who support and love you no matter what.

I cherish my friendships, past and present. And I love the people who support me.


Thank you for listening!

My Top 10 Flaws and How I Cope

I know what you’re thinking. I shouldn’t be focusing on the negative, right? Wrong. Focusing on the positive is a great concept. But you can’t do that until you learn that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. You have flaws. I have flaws. Quite a few in fact. But guess what. That’s okay. Focusing on the negative and finding ways to accept it or turn it into a positive will change your life! Your whole point of view is altered. Some things in life you just have to accept. Some things you accept and then work on change. The cool thing is, we are all flawed and trying to work on ourselves!!!! I wanted to talk about 10 of my flaws that I have to work on EVERY SINGLE DAY. Some are just stupid. Some are relatable. Some are harder than others. But guess what? I’m happy to share. I’m way too open about myself anyways, so why stop now?!

1. I have a TERRIBLE bladder: That’s right. I said it. I have the world’s smallest bladder and it’s such a struggle. If I have to go, I HAVE to go. And if there’s not a bathroom close by when that happens, you bet your sweet a** I pee my pants. For a long time, I was scared to even drink water!!! Now that’s a problem. I was an incontinent, dehydrated female who was also overly emotional. Now I own it. I drink as much water as I can. How? I just have to plan for it. I go pee anywhere and whenever I can. “Keana, you just peed.” YEAH BUT NOT IN MY PANTS SNITCH!!! How is this a flaw? Who pees their pants over the age of 5? But I’m okay. I learn and move on. I mean, when I have kids I’m screwed. I’ll be wearing diapers as a pregnant lady but I’m over it. I’ll make it work. (Any openings for a hot mom ft diapers? bc I’m so down)

2. I drool when I sleep: I know I’m not alone here. This is a struggle. As much as I love waking up crusted to my muthafreakin pillow, I don’t. It’s not all the time, but it’s consistent enough for it to be annoying as heck. Also, RIP to Chris when he sees me every morning. That is probably a glorious sight to behold. How do I cope? I don’t. I’ve just accepted that’s how it is and I love myself anyways. Drool puddles and all :,)

3. I have a potty mouth: Sorry to all the important people reading this (@mom) but it’s true. Sometimes swear words get the message across better than anything else. Now, I can keep it professional when need be and I even have a swear jar to break my bad habit. How do I cope? I spend the money in the swear jar and start again the next day. It’s the though that counts, right?

4. I eat whatever is in front of me: this is such a problem hahah. I LOVE FOOD. I’m not kidding, if you accidentally leave the chips in front of me at a party, it’ll be gone in minutes. I physically can’t get my hand to stop reaching for the food. I just stare at my hand and beg it to stop but my stomach just says F YOU and keeps fitting food in there. (And I wonder why I’ve gained so much weight.) How do I cope? Portioning!!! Staying anti social!!!! Telling Chris to take it away and then get mad because he touched my food!!!! Like I said, I’m a work in progress.

5. I just found out you are supposed to get your beauty blender wet before using it: I don’t even want to talk about this one.

6. Spicy food gives me the poops but I LOVE SPICY FOOD: This is probably my least favorite and a little too much info but guys. I can’t eat anything remotely spicy without being stuck in the bathroom for days. Which coordinates with me not being able to say no to food. Which means I’m miserable 99% of the time. What do I do to save my butt? I pick a food that one ups the spicy food. If we are having chips and salsa, I make sure to get queso bc it’s way less spicy. If we are having enchiladas, I choose the appropriate sauce. Simple as that.

7. I trip on air: So I do this thing where I act wayyy cooler than I am and 99% of the time I end up tripping on thin air. Like I physically almost fall over nothing. This is just something I deal with. Is it the way I walk? Maybe. But have you tried thinking about the way you walk while you are walking a realize it’s weird? Yeah don’t do that.

8. I care way too much about what others think: This is a big one! My husband is a great, happy, care-free individual which means he doesn’t get embarrassed easily. I am the total opposite. If he makes inappropriate noises in Walmart to be funny, I flee. I can’t have people looking at me like that. Instead, I should be supporting his stupidity right? I worry about the way I look, the way I sound, the way I come off when making a decision, the way I dress… it’s hard. But guess what? It’s my opinion that matters. I’m trying to focus on my priorities and recognize that not everyone even cares about what I’m doing, where I’m doing it or how I’m doing it. (My 14 year old humor giggles every time I say “doing it.” You’re welcome)

9. I am terrible at math: “What’s 9+10? 21”. If you don’t get the reference, you’re too old to be reading my blog. JUST KIDDING. But really, it’s a good vine. This one is hard for me. I manage a restaurant for heavens sake so I have to triple count things just to make sure I’m right. Which is good but frustrating. How do I cope? I haven’t figured out yet. Do I do flash cards? Do I go back to school? What do you think?

10. I always have to fart at the most inconvenient times: I arrive at a family party and my stomach is like, “how about now?” . I’m talking to a table at work and my stomach is like, “Surprise snitch.” I’m looking at a rack of clothes and someone decides to look at the same rack and my stomach is like, “she won’t know what hit her.” Y’all didn’t want to know this but it happens every single day. If I crop dust you, it’s because I love you. ❤

Honestly though, life happens. We are all unique individuals with our own set of cool flaws. Recognize those flaws and but also recognize that those flaws make you who you are today. You have problems, I have problems. Find a solution or just enjoy the journey. I love you and all your messed up qualities. Don’t forget to keep being you. Don’t change yourself for anyone. Just better yourself. Thanks for listening. xoxo


Can we talk about how many times a day I say this? How often someone is kind and invites me over and what is my response: “I CAN’T”. This is where my struggle began.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with motivation to do anything. I hate waking up early, I hate giving up soda, I hate exercising. But do I really hate it? No. I’m just scared. I’m scared of trying new things. I’m scared of breaking bad habits. I keep saying I CAN’T change because I don’t know where, how, or when to start.

But here’s the thing: I CAN. I’m working on saying yes. Yes to healthy eating. Yes to exercise. Yes to FEELING GOOD!!

When first started writing this post, I realized how much this sounded like a cheesy motivational speech you would hear on Disney movies. And yes, it totally is. Like, did Troy Bolton just deliver that speech? I just wanted to keep it short and sweet to tell you that you can. You can do this. You can make it through the semester. You can handle that kid. You can deal with that boss. You can plan that trip. You can EAT THAT DONUT.

I am starting a Biggest Loser competition at work tomorrow. Am I excited? No. But am I excited for the results and motivation for change? Heck yeah I am. This is the beginning of a whole new journey. I’m working on changing my mindset towards feeling good instead of worrying about not looking good. I’ve been so put out looking at all of you beautiful people on Instagram, that I have forgotten that I am beautiful too. Is everything going to work out? In it’s own way, yes. Am I probably going  to have more cheat days than I should? You bet your sweet a** I am.

But this is why I blog, you know? I want to promote change, not only in the world, but within myself. We are amazing individuals with so many opportunities. WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THAT!! I have so much potential that I have been hiding or ignoring. I have been ignoring that fact that I could do better. I have been way too content with who I am currently. I love myself, I really do. But that is a continuous process. I can be better. I want to feel better. And I will. BECAUSE I CAN.

I keep telling myself I don’t have time to do anything but work and sleep. I keep telling myself I can’t wake up any earlier because I have to work all day. That is soooo not true! I am just lazy. I can totally do it. I just have to set my mind to it.

My goal is to motivate you. I am here to hype you up!! You are fantastic humans. You are going/are doing so many great things. Also, change doesn’t happen over night. It is a long, long process. I am working on my mentality towards that. Let’s take it day by day. Let’s become better together. Keep me motivated and i’ll keep you motivated no matter what! Recognize the amazing things you are doing and keep working to meet your potential!

What are your tips and tricks for staying motivated to workout and eat healthy?? I could use all the help I can get!!! THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

Why I Choose Life (& You Should Too)



This post is about to get way too deep. I am about to be way too real. But all I see on social media is the negativity and the effects it has on the people using it. I’ve totally suffered from social media. I’ve also seen how mean humans can be to other humans. It’s ridiculous. I’ve been on both ends. My heart hurts seeing articles and posts about those who have taken their own life. Seeing someone who doesn’t see their own worth. Seeing someone who is so far gone, they no longer see a reason to live. I’m going to be honest. I have been in that position. Here’s my story (This isn’t a light read and not for everyone):

In ninth grade, I began to struggle with my self-image. that is a common thing. Jr High was the WORST. I think a lot of people might be able to relate. Even though I was playing competitive soccer and was actually pretty fit, I still struggled with the way I looked. I felt like the boys I liked, never liked me back.  Why?

Slowly, I fell into a new crowd. I started liking a different group of boys. I started hanging with a different crowd of girls. These boys were giving me attention. I had never felt noticed like that. For a moment, it was bliss. I felt so cool! I was surrounded by attention.

Long story short, I did a lot of things I regret. If I said no to anything, I was told so many things. “It’s not like you haven’t done things like that before.” “I didn’t like you anyways.” “I’m as good as it gets for you.” “I’ll just find someone else.”  “You’re not even worth it.” My heart was in such a bad place. My mind constantly wondered why I wasn’t good enough. Why was I so ugly? Why couldn’t I be like all the other girls? I WAS IN 9TH GRADE. As a 14 year old, I should have been worrying about my blue eyeshadow or my Foods class. But I couldn’t stop. I hated myself. I hated the way I looked, the way I walked, the way I sounded. I worried about every little thing. I couldn’t sleep.  The same people I was involved with, accused me of being gross, even though they were doing the same things. For some reason, they decided to put me down for it. Why was I different?

I was losing friends, I was fighting with my parents, and I felt disgusting. How did I get here? I have never felt so cold or so alone. I felt as though I was in a different world, watching myself make bad decision after bad decision. I figured I had already gone this far. Why stop now?

I asked myself WHY all the time. Eventually, I started asking different “WHY” questions. Why am I who I am? Why won’t the pain stop? Why am I even alive? Why do I even try? Why don’t I just stop trying?

Those WHY questions began to become more frequent. I began to count the number of people who wouldn’t miss me if I was gone. I would look around in class and think, “I need to just disappear.” I felt worthless, I felt ugly, I felt like no one genuinely cared about me.

So I tried to take my own life. And it wasn’t the first time.

At 14, I wasn’t old enough to even drive. I hadn’t been to a school dance. But I had decided I was done living. The darkness that overcame me that day was indescribable. I was numb, not even acknowledging pain anymore. I was done. I searched for reasons to turn back, but I couldn’t. In my mind, I was already gone. I have never been so terrified. Why didn’t anyone notice that I had changed? Didn’t anyone care? Did no one love me?

Without more detail, right before that moment, I was surrounded by such an intense, almost tangible warmth. I literally felt like I was being hugged by the sun and my heart just stopped. For a moment, the world was frozen. A voice filled my head. “You are not alone.”

Through my entire experience, I had lost all faith. I swore that Heavenly Father would never forgive me for what I had done. After feeling like my friends and family were gone, I believed that God wasn’t going to help me. But looking back, He was there the entire way. On that day, I was surrounded by His loving spirit. Something touched my heart so softly, and suddenly I knew I wasn’t alone. He was there and He loved me despite my flaws. I started to put together pieces. The little moments or people that helped me stay almost afloat. I regret a lot of things, but I wouldn’t change my past. I am who I am now because of what I went through. I am reminded every single day of my blessings and the opportunity I have to help other people.

Whether you are religious or not, suicide is not a joke. My heart hurts when I see boys, girls, men, women, moms, dads, ANYONE who is struggling. Because everyone has their demons and no two demons are the same. You have to recognize this. Social media makes it easy to put up a wall and be a jerk if you want to be. It’s easy to say things behind a keyboard. It’s easy to pretend you are someone you are not. It’s easy to pretend like you are okay when you are not.

I want you to know that you are worth it. This isn’t some cliche, bulls**t post. This is real life. Everyone has their struggles, but everyone also has a future. It’s up to you and it’s up to us to work towards that future. We have to love and support each other, no matter the race, religion, gender, sexual orientation. We are human beings. We have hearts. We have dreams and we ALL have a purpose.

You want to know why I choose life? I choose life because I want to build a better future, not only for myself, but for my generations to come. I choose life because I am strong and have a purpose. I choose life. And I choose you. No, i’m not quoting Pokemon. I’m choosing you to share your story. I’m choosing you to be an advocate for change. I’m choosing you to help our generation be a voice for strength and love.

Depression, anxiety, suicide… it’s not a joke. It’s a real thing individuals face. Do not take the subject lightly. I struggle with my depression and anxiety every single day. Don’t tell me to get over it or “be happy”. I am trying every day. I work hard every day. You are amazing human beings with talent and an insane amount of hope. I believe in you, so let’s continue to believe in each other. Instead of hate, let’s hype each other up.

You are beautiful and you are worth it. We are here for each other.

Utah Suicide Prevention Hotline


I want to hear how you are going to make a difference this week. Send me an email. Leave a comment. Let’s make a change.

Thank you for listening.