We live in a world filled with social media, false hope, negative comments, and playing pretend. I don’t know about you but I get on Instagram every day and see what seems to be these perfect families. These perfect people living their best lives. It sucks sometimes to be honest. It’s hard not to want what you can’t have. Like why am I not in a different country every week? Why am I not wearing Gucci to bed tonight?
But guess what. It isn’t all perfect. My job requires me to be on social media 8 hours a day (sometimes more depending on the day) and I love it. But it gets hard looking at all these beautiful people. IT’S NOT REAL. Sure, pieces of it may be real but everyone has their struggle. Everyone has a weakness. Everyone is flawed.
I write a lot about embracing flaws, I know. But it’s important. I’m here to tell you that marriage can suck sometimes. But it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Chris and I have been married for a year and a half. It will be two years in June. In that year and a half, I have learned a lot. I’ve grown a lot too. The cool thing about marriage is you are learning and growing together. You have this in-home best friend who is there for you all the time. (Hopefully). I love Chris more than anything but guess what? He has flaws. I have flaws. But we make it work.
When you start dating someone, you see their perfections. They are trying all the time to impress you, right? A lot of people talk about the LDS religion and how their dating process isn’t right for the real world. People say you have to live with a person before you marry them to really get to know them and to make it successful. I have my own beliefs and opinions, but I am LDS and didn’t live with Chris before we got married. I hung out at his apartment and he hung out at mine, but we had curfews and standards to keep. It’s true. I didn’t know a lot of Chris’ habits before marrying him.
BUT. We are still here and have an eternity to go.
My marriage isn’t perfect. We have disagreements, we get annoyed, and we fail sometimes. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Chris snores. He’s going to hate me for posting this but he snores LOUD. When we first got married, I was frustrated. I was literally so annoyed at Chris and he wasn’t even awake. I never said anything because that’s just how it was. One night, it was ridiculous. I didn’t get any sleep and I finally said something. Guess what? Turns out I snore too. We can both be annoying as hell in our sleep. How cute??????
Communication is key. Everyone says this, everyone writes books about this but… it is literally so true. Talk about your issues, communicate that something is wrong! LISTEN TO EACH OTHER. Marriage is a partnership, you two need to work together if you are gonna make any progress.
Marriage and Money: A Novel. No but really. Finances can suck. And they can be stressful. I worked and made my own money all through high school. I worried about myself and taking care of myself. Getting married was so weird. I had another human being to worry about. (RIP to when we have kids). We had mutual bills to take care of. I actually didn’t even combine our bank accounts until a couple months ago. It was my money and I spent it how I wanted. But you have to remember, you still have freedom but you have each other’s future to worry about. Life is good when you are young, paying rent, living off PB & J’s. But eventually, you’ll want a house, you might have kids, etc. Communication is key here too. I hear about couples who have to ask to buy anything for themselves or aren’t allowed to spend as they please. That’s not a way to live. Sure, you need to be smart about finances but we are all individuals. Chris and I have worked out a way to build our savings, pay off school, and leave a little left over to spend on whatever we want, no questions asked. It took us a long time to figure that out, but it works.
I struggle with people and Chris loves everything about people. Chris loves learning about people, where they came from, who they are, how they are doing… I try to say as little as possible and move on. Chris has a love for life that is almost annoying, because I want that. Anyone who knows Chris, knows this. But I have met so many amazing people because of Chris and that. This is random but I want people to know that.
Marriage isn’t all sunshine and daisies. Not at all. It takes work. It takes effort on both ends to make it happen. But finding your best friend and creating these memories… there aren’t words. The love you have between the two of you is. I live for his smile, his laugh, his pick up lines he still uses. I live for those moments after a fight, where you realize that it’s okay. We got this. That moment where you wake up in the morning and you get to look over and see YOUR human. The one who supports you, loves you, and admires you for everything you are.
Every marriage is different but no marriage is perfect. Enjoy the pretty pictures and the pretty people on Instagram. But know, everyone has their struggle. You are amazing and wonderful too. Tune into your inner Hannah Montana, because nobody’s perfect motha trucka. Okay, she didn’t say that. But it’s true.