“45 pounds ago!”

Okay guys. It’s gonna get real. Today is not about makeup products. Today is about me and my body.

I’ve been struggling with my weight gain. I’ve been struggling with my health. My job has been hard and life in general has been kicking my TRASH. I don’t want to complain, but as a human being, I do. I keep seeing all these beautiful people living “perfect” lives and I’m jealous. I’ll be honest, I am GREEN with envy. I look at the Gram to see clear skin, thigh gaps and Teslas and then back at my rolls as I’m sitting in the dark, eating Pizza Rolls.

That’s not good for anyone. I’ll tell you that now. Wallowing in my self pity, complaining about my current situation, while not doing anything about it..? That sounds like my own problem right? Right.

The worst part, is I have a bad habit of flipping through old pictures of myself. Seeing what I used to be. Thinking about the part of life I was in. I use humor to deflect the insecurities. I like to use the words “45 lbs ago…” in a lot of my jokes. Because I’ve gained 45 lbs. 45lbs in two years. It doesn’t sound like a lot but to me it feels like night and day! Stretch marks, fatigue… I already have a round face and now it’s even better hahah!!

But in those two years I’ve gotten married, stopped playing soccer, work 50 hours a week… a complete lifestyle change. I don’t want to make excuses but it’s different.

I’m getting to the point, I promise.

The past is the past. It’s already happened and there’s nothing I can do about it. Life has changed and so have I. For better or for worse, I don’t know. Maybe a little of both. I learned, I’ve loved and I’ve lost. I’ve had ups and I’ve had downs. Instead of looking at what I used to be, I can look at who I am and who I could be. I can light a fire to start a new change. Looking forward instead of looking back. Learning and bettering myself instead of wallowing in my own pain and sorrow.

I have a choice. I have opportunity. I have a new week and a new day to begin. I’ve said this many times but the cool thing is, I’m giving myself a second chance. A second chance to take advantage of the opportunities God has given me. I’m talented, I’m young and I’m beautiful. I am strong, I have so much potential and I’m ready.

45 pounds ago, I was struggling even still. The weight isn’t the problem. It’s my mindset. It’s my happiness and it’s what I do about it. Am I still going to work on losing weight? Uh yeah. I’m down 6 lbs. But I’m going to do it differently. I’m going to do it to feel better instead of worrying about what I look like. I’m going to do it because I want to, not because anyone else is telling me to.

Each step, even if it’s a baby step, matters. Instead of looking at my thighs in the mirror and saying I’m fat, I’ll just recognize “damn, I’m THICC.” Hahaha. Learning to love myself, whatever shape I am. The results aren’t immediate. It takes work and effort. Sometimes I will put in a face mask, take it off and get pissed that I still have acne. But guess what?! That’s NOT HOW IT WORKS.

Change takes time and patience.

Tomorrow is a new day. I start a new job, with a new mindset and a whole new opportunity. And I’m going to KILL IT.

That is all. Thanks babes.

xoxo Ki


5 thoughts on ““45 pounds ago!”

  1. Mackenzie

    yess girl, oh my gosh thank you for sharing this. You are SO right. It is alll about the mindset at every phase & season of life, and your head is in the right place! it’s seriously inspirational. You nailed it with, “change takes time and patience”… so true. I feel like everyone can relate to this post. I seriously appreciate your vulnerability. And heck yes, you are so right- we have to learn to love ourselves where we are at the moment, only then can we truly live & thrive. Can’t wait to follow your journey! XO

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hunida

    You are right, you are going to kill at that new job!! & your mindset is in the right place!! Loving yourself & losing the weight for yourself is the fastest way to do so. ♡ You got this, girl!!!


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